I often watch the videos of priest Dominic LeRouzès, with homilies full of teachings and faith. Like Pope Francis, he always recommends that we bear witness to our spiritual experiences, to give strength to the missionary Church. I'm sure people reading this will remember similar experiences they have had. Graces are distributed profusely to all. We lack the attention to recognize them. Even in suffering, we receive graces.
I need to record all this, also to be able to read it again, as a reminder.
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December 13, 2020: why this rain of hearts - literally? Just before his sudden illness before being hospitalized... "How difficult it is for me to fathom your thoughts, O God! How vast is their sum total!" (Psalm 139:17).
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O, Immaculate Heart of Mary, take care of us.
She takes care. I had several signs which I interpreted as being Her presence, during the time of suffering, when Léo was in the hospital and during the postmortem saga. I took note... everything is kept on my computer and in my heart.
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I share here some more recent memories, as a testimony of faith.
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December 3, 2021: Guardian angel and Christmas tree
I was extremely anxious, because of documents I had to send correctly, and I felt abandoned, alone. So I begged my guardian angel to help me, to accompany me.
Leaving
the Canada Post office, inside a pharmacy, already halfway through
the necessary procedures, I saw many people in the aisle where there
were Christmas decorations. I went there to see if there was anything
that interested me. I had a start, in surprise, the first thing which
I saw was a small angel where it was written: “I think of you”.
Apart from the little angels with the poster "Glory to God in
the highest" we used to put above the caves of
Christmas nativity scenes, in the time of my childhood, I had never
seen Christmas decorations with an inscription. I had no doubts, I
bought it. I think it was my guardian angel who led me there, to show
me that he was with me.
To
top it off, when I told this story to my sister-in-law, when I showed
her the little angel, she noticed a little Christmas tree he is
holding, which I hadn't seen before. And she reminded me that I found
it odd that Léo did not go to buy the Christmas tree (he bought one
every year), for Christmas 2020, which he unfortunately spent in the
hospital... Did he have already an intuition? Was he feeling already unwell? And he didn't tell me... I didn't dare to have one in 2021
either. But the little angel brought me the tree.
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March 26, 2022: Baby Jesus
The story of Saint Faustyna moved me, I am enchanted by her mystical experiences. The explanations that the Child Jesus gave her on “spiritual childhood”, in adulthood, touched me so much! Because I remember the trust I had in God when I was a little girl. It was total abandonment. I wanted to experience this attitude again, but it is so difficult! I also wanted to hold baby Jesus in my arms and hold him close to my heart, like she did.
The diary of Saint Faustina says:
"(...) when Mass began, a strange silence and joy filled my heart. Just then, I saw Our Lady with the Infant Jesus, and the Holy Old Man [St. Joseph] standing behind them. The most holy Mother said to me, Take My Dearest Treasure, and She handed me the Infant Jesus. When I took the Infant Jesus in my arms, the Mother of God and Saint Joseph disappeared. I was left alone with the Infant Jesus. 609 I said to Him, “I know that You are my Lord and Creator even though You are so tiny.” Jesus stretched His little arms out to me and looked at me with a smile. My spirit was filled with incomparable joy." (Divine Mercy in my soul, 608)
I fell asleep with this good feeling, imagining the baby Jesus in my arms. What audacity on my part, but it was so good to think of that...
The following Sunday (March 27, 2022), it was my day to help at the entrance of our parish, to distribute the mass booklet to the parishioners. I arrived a little earlier, as requested.
The artist who sings and plays the guitar during Mass always practices, before the beginning of the celebration, with the songs that will be performed. That day he sang a song that was not part of the liturgical repertoire, something that I have not seen happen on other occasions.
The melody sounded familiar...yes, I had heard it before, but I couldn't remember the words, and I didn't understand them very well, from where I was. The only sentence I understood was: “Prend un enfant dans tes bras (Take a child in your arms)”. In fact, I later checked on the internet for the correct words and found "Prendre un enfant dans ses bras (Taking a child in the arms)", but something made me understand the sentence in the imperative.
It impressed me a lot. Why did he sing this song? My interpretation was that I should imagine that I was holding baby Jesus in my arms when I received Communion. I took this event as an immense grace received from Divine Mercy.
The song is beautiful, moreover, I put a link at the end of the text.
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Divine Mercy always... The encounter!
This time it was Mercy Sunday and the previous Saturday, I watched the videos of Father Dominic LeRouzès' homilies (links at the end of the text).
During his Saturday homily, the priest tells us about the difficulty the apostles had in believing in the risen Jesus. Not just Thomas. Thomas dared to say that he would not believe if he did not see Him, if he did not touch Him. Thomas is our “twin”, of all of us. The other apostles also believed only when they saw Him. There's a good side to that, that they weren't inclined to believe everything. And even if they saw Him, they did not recognize Him until He broke bread, as He had done before, and when He ate something, to show that He was not not a ghost. Jesus “breathed” the Holy Spirit upon them (even before Pentecost) to open their understanding. He explained everything again, according to the Scriptures, and sent them out to make disciples of all nations.
The priest also explains that many active Catholics – even priests and bishops! - have this difficulty in confessing the Living Jesus today. They accept it intellectually, through studies, reason, but they have not had an “encounter” with the risen Jesus, to perceive Him in their hearts. Not necessarily a meeting like the one with the apostles. It can be an event, a sign, a je ne sais quoi, which really makes us perceive Him. And we cannot make this encounter by ourselves, says the priest. It is Jesus who gives us this grace.
Listening to this homily, I remembered that I had already had an encounter with Jesus, I felt privileged... How easy it is to fall into the traps of vanity! Afterwards, I thought about it, recovering the humility that had escaped me... It was not an encounter with the Risen Jesus, it was with Jesus in his Passion, in the episode of the Crown of Thorns.
Empathy with Jesus suffering is more within our reach, because we too suffer, it is in our nature. This is why Jesus wanted to suffer as a man, to be within our reach. I had this empathy and it was very strong – an “encounter” with the Virgin Mary and Jesus – it was a grace received (see Rebounding love, in Related links, at the end).
But the Resurrection is beyond the reach of our natural state. It's something impossible for us, by ourselves, it's outside of our parameters. So it's very hard to believe! However, I had an enormous desire to have an “encounter” with the risen Jesus, a sign that would make me perceive His presence.
The next day, I no longer thought about it. The idea of this encounter had already passed into the realm of the improbable.
While walking in town, I wanted to know a place that I see at the end of streets crossing the avenue that I often take. Since the snow has melted, the green is clearly visible, it looks like a park. I turned the corner, heading towards the green field. Quiet streets, almost no traffic, conversations here and there escaped through the windows of houses that are already open for spring.
It didn't take long and I was in front of a kind of amusement park. On one side, no one in a large square full of trees in shades of green still shy, but already in contrast with the rest of the city, which is dragging the traces of the relentless winter. Several inviting park benches and paths between the trees made me imagine children running around and laughing. But the voices of children came from the other side, where little boys and little girls ran happily, without a ball, on a football field, while their parents watched them, a little further.
I was curious to know the name of the place. Here in Quebec, there is no shortage of information panels and posters, which I really appreciate. The sign announced the name of the park - Parc des Loisirs Christ-Roi - and what was not allowed there.
Well, I was satisfied with my walk, I went home.
I hurriedly checked my messages on the Internet and, yes, there was one from a friend/cousin (Rowena), from Vitória in the state of Espírito Santo, Brazil, indicating the link to access the closing of the Feast of Nossa Senhora da Penha (Our Lady of Penha). She knows that I like to see them very much, they are beautiful and inspiring festivities, with crowds of the faithful, in the beautiful landscape of the city.
I quickly turned on the computer, to see if I could still catch anything, and with amazement and wonder I got the explanation of what had just happened to me - the "encounter"!!! It takes me time to understand these things, I am not yet experienced in this field. Divine Mercy ends up giving me alerts, as if shaking me: “wake up!!!"
When I joined the festivity, the crowd was singing this piece of music: "And when the eternal day dawns, with the full vision, we will resuscitate to believe in this life hidden in the bread". Then, the bishop emeritus took the floor and said: “Let it be our joy, the encounter with the risen Lord” (see link at the end). It was then that I understood, as if a blindfold had been removed from my eyes, and it gave me a mystical shock! Even the word “encounter” has been said! I had just encountered “my Lord and my God”, at the “Christ-Roi” (Christ the King) park!!!
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A question that always worries me: would it be better to keep these facts just for me? And the need for testimony? I have heard many priests recommending to share our spiritual experiences. The fear of being considered crazy, that one doesn't bother me much, because we all are a bit. Anyway, we must be vigilant not to let ourselves be carried away by the vanity of thinking that we are privileged, because these events are not our merit, nor our privilege, graces are given to everyone - the problem is that, most of the time, we don't ask for graces and we don't recognize them. But neither should vanity be confused with the “joy of the encounter”... this joy of the heart, which “comes out through the mouth” cannot be condemned, I think.
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Related links:
Diary: Divine Mercy in my soul
Homélie Pe. Dominic LeRouzès 23 avril
Homélie Pe. Dominic LeRouzès 24 avril
Encerramento da Festa da Penha
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