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| Croix de chemin au Chemin du Roy, à Neuville QC |
We tend to think that conversion happens in a snap, like "falling off a horse" – this happened with the great Saint Paul, but not all of us receive this grace [1]. We always have to work towards this, as conversion is often a daily process which we need to keep active. In my case, at least, that's how it works. I have more pious periods where I believe my faith and understanding are evolving in some way. Other times, I'm kind of stagnant.
Already aged, I discovered the wonder of having been consecrated to Our Lady when I was baptized. At one point, I felt an urge to venerate her and I renewed the act of Consecration to her, using the Montfort method [2]. I have been receiving signals and consolations in profusion, challenging my petulance to consider coincidences, that is, to interpret everything as random.
I can't omit the fact that the increase in my Marian devotion was due, considerably, to the lessons of the priest Paulo Ricardo, inducing me to search for other similar readings, always looking for a greater understanding of the salvific event.
During the last few years I have often felt in my heart the sweetness of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. She has been leading me to meet Jesus. Due to our meager intelligence and the suffering inherent in this world, it is possible to open windows that allow us to glimpse the supernatural mystery of the Redemption, the mystery of the “rebounding” Love. We need to unlock the windows.
What to say about the divine “Advisor” who accompanies us. My soul knows of my Guardian Angel who, invisible, is present. Each one of you, pray for yours and you will know too.
In my husband's suffering, on his deathbed, I suffered a lot too. I asked Our Lady to add our pain to that of the Passion of Christ, to count, albeit minimally, in the “capital of graces” reserved for the humanity. And I was given the grace to empathize with Her and Her Son's suffering in those days that preceded the Resurrection of Jesus.
Small details can serve as steps to reach new heights. When I saw my husband with an oximeter holder around his head, I immediately made the association... "Crown of Thorns". I saw Jesus through my beloved and I loved Him, that rebounding Love – the Love of Christ for us, which enables us to love Him back. I “saw” Him in my husband in pain. And I loved Him in the love to my husband, which is like loving myself. It was a painful lesson.
Matthew 22: 37 “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. 38This is the greatest and the first commandment. 39 The second is like it: 23 You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Since that time, I have kept this association of ideas and understood, even if only precariously, the immense Love of God for humanity. I'm learning to love the Man Jesus, in our measure. Loving His Humanity, we love God in Him, for His two natures are inseparable [3].
Of course I also asked Our Lady for my husband to get well. But, finally, the “getting well” resulted different from my wishes, on his way to the beyond... Only God knows what's best for us.
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Related links:
[1] The conversion of Saint Paul
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